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Dramatis Personae

(Characters for a Buddy Movie about Gay-Bi-Transgendered Cops)

By Robert McGuill

N’iigs Bourbonnais: A sexually-ambiguous gumshoe from the small town of Slaughter, Louisiana who relies on a deadly combination of voodoo, forensic science, and ragtime piano to bring down the Big Easy’s baddest criminals.

Gay Latrino: An ex-interior-decorator-turned-crime-scene- investigator who, after a savage pillow fight with Dianna Vreeland in the lobby of Bloomingdales, is forced to turn in his badge and take it on the arches–a fate he grudgingly accepts in a pair of Nantucket Rose crossed-vamp mules.

Conch St. Martin: A Caribbean born bodybuilder with a damaged sperm count and a rummy’s thirst for vengeance. He’s a buffed-out butt pirate who’s itching for a fight, and with eyepatch slung and cutlass raised, he goes after the entire jockey shorts industry–one pee hole at a time.

Robert McGuill is a Pushcart Prize nominee whose stories have appeared, or will soon appear, in pacificReview, Talking River, The Baltimore Review, South Dakota Review, The Distillery, and other literary magazines. He lives and writes in Colorado.

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