Deathmatch 2011 – Round 6

Final Round | Round 6 | Round 5 | Round 4 | Round 3 | Round 2 | Round 1

David Griffin Brown vs. Martha Tuff

Brink By David Griffin Brown

“It’s your baby too,” Lily said. “It’s only fair you help me kill it.”

She handed me the fat blue pill and wiggled out of her jeans. She climbed on the bed, rolled to her back: knees at forty-five degrees, legs parted.

I saw for the first time what I assume a gynaecologist sees: the clinical stock of a woman. If Lily stripped naked at any other time I’d be aroused. My eyes would draw the arch of her thigh, her ivory skin, the black bonsai thatch. But I stared instead at female, human, mammal.

Read More | Final Votes: 56%

Deathmatch By Martha Tuff

He’s got an axe in one hand, dripping, red splashed handle and a club in the other.

“I’m going to fuck you up,” he snarls.

And he does and you know it, well you know as long as you’re still breathing, as long as you’re still alive, which isn’t much.

There’s nothing much left when he’s done, just a messy pulpy pile of what you used to be.

Read More | Final Votes: 44%


Lady Bathurst – 2011/03/14

@Just saying.  I you knew anything you would know women do not have adam’s apples.  If they did they wouldn’t be called Adam’s and that looking for it is one way to make sure you’re not taking a tranny home.

MarMarTuff – 2011/03/14

While my Mom and a cheap bottle of red wine which chooses to remain anonymous still say I’m a winner, I gotta call this one for what it is – a nice ride on a shitty road.

See ya on the flip side, suckers.

Glory for gory: the grandpa’s still got it and will kick your fucking ass just for looking.

With love and guts, Mar

just saying – 2011/03/14

….Fitzy voting all week for mar mar’s losing story…that is a metaphor for impotence…what can we say about her nonsensical smorgasbord that hasn’t been said before…that we hate stories specifically written for a contest…that i’m sorry the bathhurst  conspiracy failed miserably…that mar mar walked softly…but failed to carry a big stick…that it stunk so bad the silent non-majority won’t even deign to comment on it…that mar mar’s sustained late night sneak attack crumbled the moment griff’s family woke up to go to to work…if you consider hovering over a keyboard work…that you guys have both failed to test a unique and devastating brush style weapon in the run up to the final…axes and clubs just don’t cut it around here anymore…it’s a hairy scary situation…mar mar’s in the headlock with griff’s two fingers on her adam’s apple…but do you know where those fingers have been? ; )

lady Bathurst – 2011/03/14

Hmmmm  is Broken Pencil a metaphor for impotence?

MarMarTuff – 2011/03/14

Hey Fitz, you voting for me?

fitzwilliam – 2011/03/14

I\’m voting for you! good luck!

MarMarTuff – 2011/03/14

Saddle? How I’ve missed you!  Not sure what to do with myself with my daily diss.

Brown, good game but meat is still murder.

Aww c’mon guys, Vote for the old gross guy. He’d vote for you but of course then he’d beat the crap out of you. Still worth it for the glory for the gory!

fitzwilliam – 2011/03/14

I know its getting a little boring without saddle/justsaying dont you think?

David Griffin Brown – 2011/03/14

Two days without a troll…  Come on saddle, what’s up?  Did you meet a lady?  Okay okay, let’s be realistic.  Did you get arrested??

fitzwilliam – 2011/03/14

dear just saying, i was just wondering why you always feel the need to comment on everything everyone says. When marmar was telling lichty you get it you had to go comment, when i have posted stuff you call me stupid, maybe you should just mind your own fricken business because you know nothing!

MarMarTuff – 2011/03/13

Brown, I think they are great characters to work with – I am sure your collection will be provocative.

It’s tough to write trauma and I often think less is more – silence and discomfort compounded by awkward descriptors more often leave their mark. I often play around with things not said in dialogue, double meanings and loaded quiet, but that’s just me. Perhaps my issue with Lily’s line has to do more with my own understanding of people in love and hardship – often we don’t say what we mean when we need to the most. Otherwise the relationship between Lily and Jake is quite palpable and affecting. Well done.

As for your other question I am most interested in submitting a flash piece to Fish Publishing – thanks so much for the forward. Not sure I’m going to be sticking with this piece though, as it was written specifically for this contest during a few rough and tumble hours in the middle of the night…

Rather, I’m thinking of submitting a love story with a twist.

How original is that.

David Griffin Brown – 2011/03/13


I’m curious as to why you think Lily is too traumatized to say that line.  I never meant for her to be robotic (something I was trying to reserve for the narrator), but I envision Lily to be tough as nails….  or at least, not willing to show her distress, and so perhaps overcompensating for the seriousness of their circumstances by trying to come across as unruffled.

If it doesn’t work, if that line doesn’t seem to jive with her character, I think I need to add stronger characterization to more clearly show her uber-hippy insanity, rather than delete that line.

You’re not the first person to dislike the “love is a socially constructed emotional category” bit.  In fact, every time I’ve delivered that sermon to girlfriends, it hasn’t gone over all that well.  But then I get other people telling me they really like that part.  I think, maybe maybe, it would work better if I extended this piece so that bit doesn’t fall at the end.

I have a series of short bits about this odd couple, Lily and Jake, which does end badly in several over-written and sickeningly dramatic break-up scenes.  Work in progress.

just saying – 2011/03/12

…yeah, you get it lichty…if getting it is hiding behind crazy blue eyes with a sorry lack of warmth and empathy, making mirth of generational differences and the odd and unusual… without coming one iota closer to understanding what drives mar mar’s old man…it’s more than dressing for the game…it’s about showing up…night after night…standing up after taking a backhander (or a backhanded compliment)…with a grin…ancoming up swinging…with genuine enthusiasm…not hissing smarmy catcalls from the back of your posse…i say fuck’em if they don’t come to play…tommy gets it…gimme brown eyes any day, they’re more sane ; )

MarMarTuff – 2011/03/12

Thanks for the support Lichty18.


MarMarTuff – 2011/03/12

Bah germs and winter and the city.

I appreciate your comments and my worthy opponent. Oh Brown, you really are delightful.

So onto the stories. Brown, interesting concept and interesting execution. I love the idea of making love in dead baby blood…

But my issue lies within some of the unnatural dialogue, for instance she is way too traumatized to ask if he’ll make love in the blood of the aborted fetus, while still wanting to do so. As far as I can read Lily, she’d just jump on him and have her way. And I would omit this piece “Love is a socially constructed emotional category. There is no line you cross, no epiphany that lies between mild affection and the inception of adoration. Love and hate occupy linguistic extremes in the continuum of like and dislike, pleasure and pain” as there is no need to hit the reader over the head with your meaning. Love is fucked up.


Tommy – 2011/03/12

The real culprit in the Chara hit was the post. And, if this had happened in Nashville the police and politicians would not be involved.

David Griffin Brown – 2011/03/12

I hadn’t heard about the Chara hit but I just looked it up.  Now… I’m not much of a hockey fan (gasp), but hasn’t a wee spot of violence always been part of the game?  Haven’t there always been goons?  I can’t imagine someone getting into hockey and never expecting to be hurt.  At a brief glance, I’d say it sounds too reactive to been taking seriously, like letting kids throw rocks at each other and then freaking out when someone gets their face split open.

However… gotta say, the big difference between UFC and hockey violence, me parece, is that in the UFC they engage in combat willingly and not out of anger or contempt.  Okay okay, some fights are hyped with a lot of smack talk, and likewise a lot of hard hits in hockey are strategic and expected, but at the end of nearly every bout, the combatants congratulate each other, hug, bow, and acknowledge the skill and strength of their opponent in post-fight interviews.

There are so many examples of this, but I particularly liked the fight in UF4 (finale) between Pete Sell and Scott Smith where they were high-fiving and smiling at each other in the middle of the round.

fitzwilliam – 2011/03/12

Justsaying why are you such an idiot?

just saying – 2011/03/12

AHHHHHHH!  Attentions shoppers:  we have a lost child on aisle six…the matinee is not until 2:00, fitzy…maybe get your aunt martha to read you a story….

fitzwilliam – 2011/03/12

If you had any brains at all justsaying you would know fitzwilliam is an old english name and not an ojibwa name

just saying – 2011/03/12

….fitzwilliams…what the hell kind of ojibway name is that ; )

fitzwilliam – 2011/03/12

Actually just saying, I still am in grade 9!

just saying – 2011/03/12

…yeah, i know, i think i watched the whole thing before…he set the “bad” joke up early in the set, i think it was his take on kramer’s infamous blowup…i kinda studied humour this year, in all it’s delicious forms…say, maybe while mar mar is incapacitated in a neckbrace and leg restraints, we could talk about the Chara hit, didja get that down there?…Air Canada is going to have to cut costs big time this year with rising fuel costs, so they came up with a strategy to blame the game to set up their pull out from hockey advertising…ditto for Via Rail, especially when they saw all the free publicity Air Canada was getting…the Quebec premier comes out against hockey violence to score a few cheap political points with rabid Habs fans…Montreal police open up a criminal file, not because their biaised and would ever get a prosecution, but because they’re biaised and it gives them a fun break from timmy donuts and sleeping in their cars to study their favorite sport, while possibly staving off montreal’s skitzo fans from rioting in the streets…the hit was nothing above the shoulder… the Bell centre is about as well designed as the luge track at whistler..why don’t they open up a criminal file on UFC fighting…support Don cherry, rob ford and never change our game ; ).

David Griffin Brown – 2011/03/12

Aw, saddle…  chauvinistic and racist?  Not Louis C.K.  You need to watch the entire set to get the triple-threat low-brow joke at the end.  ; )


You’re not travelling in Japan, are you?

(Too soon??)

just saying – 2011/03/11

…fitzy…you are grainger than fiction…do your handlers know you’re out roaming the street in your pajamas?…you are probably one of those nutbars who comment on online newspaper articles…how many years were you in grade nine? ; )

fitzwilliam – 2011/03/11

Just saying, I dont see the need in calling people bitches, when it seems like the only person who deserves to be called a name is you, you idiotic opinionated ass!

just saying – 2011/03/11

…mar mar’s story forces you to read it again…because it’s such a goddamn mishmash it’s incomprehensible…it leaves you wanting more…because it’s so fucking incomplete…i’m sure mar mar appreciates you voting for her out of pity…speaking of which, she’s booked off sick twice now…i wanna see a doctor’s certificate, i’m not buying it…she comes across as aloof, disinterested, and a complete sore-losing psycho wacked out bitch…kind of like lichty, actually…she’s given up now and is just laying down and taking it…i should probably let you know that hal and i are getting more than slightly irritated at your no-show…i can’t believe you just posted that youtube clip, griff…basically aligning yourself with a cruel, obscene, chauvinistic and racist rant trying to pass itself as lowbrow comedy…i guess that’s why i like you…apologies for my small world fail, i’m just like that…as has been pointed out, there must be sixtyquintupilillion browns out there…it was a longshot, but not as long as mar mar’s chances…she has only a hallucinogenic hope now…the kind you might have if you took a round the world drug cruise with stops in B.C., Panama, Columbia, Thailand and Amsterdam…maybe the old raver days aren’t so old after all ; ).

David Griffin Brown – 2011/03/11


I won’t shoot you down like a deer…. but,

Lichty18 – 2011/03/11

P.S. Just wondering, am I going to get shoot down like a deer for having a different opinion? If so, bring it.

Lichty18 – 2011/03/11

Sorry for the delay in commenting, been rather busy. Anyways…

I’m a fan of the underdog. Although I am not a fan of horse racing, I do watch the big races, the Triple Crown, religiously. Nothing irks me more than when the favourite with the best odds wins. It’s no fun.

Not only for this reason am I pulling for MarMar. I found that her story was witty, more engaging than Brink. They were both amazingly violent, but in different ways. Where I saw Deathmatch as psychological horror/thriller, Brink was more of a story where you needed to feel to read. I found that I didn’t like the characters as much. Not just because I don’t believe in abortion, but because I found them simply uninteresting, where as MarMar had me interested with her characters and left me wanting more. My vote goes to her.

Braydon Beaulieu – 2011/03/11

What is it with you Eastern Conferencers and your slow discussion boards?

MarMar‘s story is great because it forces you to read it more than once – something all good fiction should strive for. It’s meaning isn’t immediately apparent, but Deathmatch‘s excitement and evocativeness spurred me on to continue. And when I was done, I wanted to go back and figure it out, instead of just accepting that it was messed up and I was never going to get it.

But my vote goes to Griff because his narrator drew me in more. Although the language of Brink is much more formal than that of Deathmatch, I found it to be more original and more engaging; the narrator felt more like a unique individual than an interesting character. I’ve stated before that I have problems with the ending of the story, but that’s minor for me. It can easily be fixed. The integral part of Brink, for me, is the relationship between Lily and the narrator, which is a strong one, mostly because of the way Griff skilfully uses dialogue. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: marvelous first line.

Overall, both stories are very good, and I’m happy to have the two of them in Broken Pencil next to my own.

Oh, and succincubus: I’m proud to say that I’ve resisted the temptation to create an alter-ego this entire time. Cheers, mate.

David Griffin Brown – 2011/03/11


Eating the hearts of your victims might allow you to absorb their spirit, but make sure they don’t have the flu first.  Waiting with bated breath and all that….

just saying

Sorry to drop a Thunderclap on your small world game. I was born in Edmonton but reinvented myself, a new man so to speak, when I moved to Victoria after high school.  So…. no idea what the V view is, and no, Ernie and V don’t ring any bells either.

just saying – 2011/03/11

Hat’s off to you.  This popcorn Pettiness has me dragging my heart around.  But there’ll be no turning a goose into a swan.  Yours is almost cooked.  You said a minute.  Must be sleeping sickness ; )

Tommy – 2011/03/10

Call out the instigators Because there\’s something in the air We\’ve got to get together sooner or later Because the revolution\’s here, and you know it\’s right And you know that it\’s right We have got to get it together We have got to get it together now Lock up the streets and houses Because there\’s something in the air We\’ve got to get together sooner or later Because the revolution\’s here, and you know it\’s right And you know that it\’s right We have got to get it together We have got to get it together now Hand out the arms and ammo We\’re going to blast our way through here We\’ve got to get together sooner or later Because the revolution\’s here, and you know it\’s right And you know that it\’s right We have got to get it together We have got to get it together

MarMarTuff – 2011/03/10

I’m back! I’ve been super sick and sleeping!

So nice to see you all missed me. Aww. Heart warming despite all the trash talking.

Yea so let’s get back to the stories. Just give me a min to catch up…

just saying – 2011/03/10

Yeah, really!  You know if mar mar had the strength to reach a keyboard she’d give us some sort of sign.  Blink if you can hear us, girl.  Sweety honey sugar baby doll.  I was only kidding when I said we wanted a conversation to ourselves.  Please, talk to us.  Pleeeeease.  I’m taking it that your story is some kind of analogy to the Deathmatch.  Someone has to ask the hard questions, where did you get the inspiration for your characters?  Hey, I know, maybe we can play “small world” while we’re waiting.  Are you related to ernie and V, griff.  Or maybe hailing from the city of chumpions, possibly that yahoo crew from V’view?

David Griffin Brown – 2011/03/10


Don’t tell me you’ve given up writing to start a cake company.

What’s going on, girl??

Maybe saddle is right…. should we get Beaulieu in here to write your obit???

just saying – 2011/03/09

….just put a lot of ketchup on and i’m sure these dry stories will go down smoothly, (Shroud of) Turenne…must be niiiiice, griff, Panamaaaa, Columbia, and next the slow boat to China…f’n cool…fitzy, i may not be pc….but i refuse to kick the crap out of a retard…”loose” is what your mother’s juk juk is …”lose” is what happens in the deathmatch when you don’t bring enough literate friends…you were probably voting for the wrong story and didn’t even realize it…where the hell is mar mar…i should start a mini hoax that she’s dead…no, that’s right, i’ve already done that once this year, gotta be creative…it’s so hard to put the good ones behind ya…i think you should post lily’s phone number…she’s made a huge mistake ; )

Turenne – 2011/03/09

@ Just Saying, now I feel obliged to bookmark this site, read the stories and vote. Damn you and your even-handed compliments.
(your ‘biased friends/biased strangers’ analogy should quiten people once and for all btw)

fitzwilliam – 2011/03/09

just saying just shut up.

David Griffin Brown – 2011/03/09

Edit: Talamarca mountain range.  The Comarca is a protected region, like a giant reservation, belonging to the Gnobe Bugle tribes.

David Griffin Brown – 2011/03/09


I’m in Colombia, which I think is in the same time zone as Toronto.  Just not online much this week.  And next…. well, that’s another story.

Victory Lap

I ended up in Panama somewhat randomly, via a housesitting website.  I have travelled in Central America before, and I lived in Colombia for two years, so I had an idea what to expect, but I was still blown away.

Panama is amazing.  It’s very safe, the people are as welcoming as in Costa Rica, but it’s a whole lot cheaper.  (Well, not the airfare, but everything else.)

The Pacific side is more arid, and can hit 40 degrees on a sunny day.  The Comarca mountain range cuts through the middle.  I took a bus over the top and it’s amazing countryside.  Quite chilly in the uppermost plateaus, and if you photoshopped out the palms, banana trees and pineapple crops, it could almost be farmland on Vancouver Island.

For most of the four months I was there, I stayed in the Bocas del Toro (Mouths of the Bull) province, which is on the Caribbean side of the Comarcas.  It rarely goes over 30, rains a lot, and is covered in mangrove swamp and thick jungle.  I regularly woke up to howler monkeys and fell asleep to millions of frogs.

The canal is a very complicated system of locks and lakes and rivers in addition to the actual canal parts.  I don’t know much other than what I saw at the Miraflores Lock, but…. oh damn, did I mention next week?  Yeah, well, I’m going back to Panama next week to volunteer as a line-handler for sailboats passing through the canal.  I’ll know more then…. but sadly, the Deathmatch will be over and then I will hopefully be crewing on a sailboat headed to Asia.

West!  Anywhere west!

…… cough cough…..

backinthesaddle – 2011/03/09

…pissed off about the spillover from last round…you probably hate it when you’re peas get too close to your potatoes too…if t wasn’t for spillover, there wouldn’t be any comments here…succ it up…

just saying – 2011/03/09

We’ve all got our Lily’s.  Now if only fitzwilliam and dickincubus would stop returning our emails ; )

Victory Lap – 2011/03/09

“He’s got the grizzled look of someone’s hard-ass grandpa, muscles gone stringy, skin a little soft, but nothing like those pudgy kids who live on fast food grease and sugar water.”  i like that one too.   And this one: “the lines around his mouth are deeper than the Grand Canyon and his eyes are a bit cloudy, muted like the colour’s been bleached out by all that he’s seen.”  And this one is funny, I get a kick out of it:  “He’s got a soft spot for women, feels them up good before he puts them out. No use wasting a pretty face.”  And we all know a great  line when we read it: “The other faces are obscured by the light, the lack of it, just a bit coming from the bar, just enough for the bartender to tell the difference between the Jack Daniels and the sherry.”  “He got old before he noticed”  This one captures the spirit of the Deathmatch:  “”I want to put this axe through your head and eat your brains for breakfast,” he says and if you didn’t know him so well, you’d think he meant it.”  This is pretty realistic, I like it too, it feels like I’m almost there:  “puts Danny in a headlock that somehow feels like a hug even with his old fingers pressing into his Adam’s apple.”  Another killer Deathmatch line, i laughed:  “”You just want the money, you old fuck. The price of whores go up?”  Anyway, that’s my Deathmatch eulogy for mar mar.  Wasn’t she sick a couple weeks back?  Maybe she’s kicked the bucket, did herself in.  More Deathmatch history.  Before I travel to a country, I always have some lame misconception, I think of  of Panama being like it looks on a map, flat, brown and treeless, with this square-edged canal running right through the middle.  What was Panama reeaaalllly like.  Through the eyes of writer DGB.

succincubus – 2011/03/09

Mr. DGB: Hello! Glad you could join us this evening! Are you in a different timezone, by the by?

I’m not very good at feigning things. I’d rather have something to be legitimately angry about.

I was a little pissed at the spillover from last round into yours. But this round has so much potential for legitimate, interesting conversation, and some actual word-fighting, instead of this ridiculous food fighting and namecalling crap.

I’m wondering what kind of innovative comebacks MarMar will cook up to try and close this vote gap.

Pretty lady, where aaaaare yooooouu?

fitzwilliam – 2011/03/09

DGB, I’m not saying anything bad about your story I actually like it, but I am choosing to vote for the other one, its not a big deal it looks like your favoured to win this round.

David Griffin Brown – 2011/03/09

Sweet little axe.  I LOL’d.


Back for seconds?  Hope you’re wearing a cup.


You know… you could feign some anger too.  Or even make a few aliases and have a conversation with yourself.

Okay okay….


Where’d you go?

The only thing that smells worse than your grampa’s breath…. is your story!  Yeah, okay, that was pretty weak.

But seriously.  The first and second time I read this I was like… wtf is going on?  Nothing, I assumed.  Just random strange awkwardness and potential for violence.  Then I read it again, a bit more sober this time, and I think I get what’s going on.  Maybe?

Is grampa a debt collector?  Like, he’s not actually killing people with axes, but scaring them and roughing them up?  And when Danny loses the hand, he actually loses money that someone has fronted him, and hence they send his dad for a visit?  And they’re gangsters, and that’s why the bartender is minding his own business?  And maybe the axe is just…. hyperbole?  And the scant instances of second-person refer to “you” the dude who ends up with a debt to these guys?

I really like your descriptions and asides… like:

…. muscles gone stringy, skin a little soft, but nothing like those pudgy kids who live on fast food grease and sugar water.


Takes a dirty glass off the counter and fills it without looking…


He got old before he noticed; now it’s too late.

Victory Lap

Panama was great….but Lily won’t return my emails…  ; )

fitzwilliam – 2011/03/09

Oh and by the way just saying to answer your questions, my mom turned on my computor for me, my imaginary friend Jim read it to me, yes i do find it suspenseful and Oh im so proud of myself my cat just taught me how to type! since im so stupid and all because apparently now having an opinion means you have no brain, oh and to answer your other question, Yes I did loose my mind I will have to go on a search to find it now! thank you very much for your concern Just saying! asshole!

succincubus – 2011/03/09

Uuuuuuuuugh the drudgery. Save your rotten tomatoes for the stories, maybe even the authors, if they ruffle your feathers just right.

MarMar and DGB, please start getting angry at each other, so we have something good to talk about!

How about this: MarMar, what do you think of DGB’s depiction of Lily? You’re a woman. How’d he do?

DGB: What do you think of MarMar’s jolting language? Your prose is a lot more – flowing. Do you like her style? Are you glad you get to fight the lady in this round?

OK, good conversation, go!

fitzwilliam – 2011/03/09

dear Just saying, everyone is untitled to their own opinion just because I like one story doesnt mean that I’m stupid! why are you so Rude? If you voice your opinion on what you think that doesnt mean that I’m going to go and insult you. Grow up!

just saying – 2011/03/09

You had me at “you may, OR MAY NOT, have seen my work.”  You should have put, there is not ONE CHANCE IN A GAZILLION that you have seen my work.  You would know about obscurity.  Mar Mar is shaking her sweet little axe here trying to win a contest and all you pop in for is to slag brush, and puff up beaulieau in a faky little spiel more suitable for the last round.  That is why you don’t use your real name. Another swore loser from the beaulieu camp.  God it must hurt

f1.4 – 2011/03/09

haha : ) I’m not concerned at all what you lot think of me. This is exactly why I didn’t go by my real name.


Enjoy your obscurity.

just saying – 2011/03/08

The stage is bare, and I’m standing there, with emptiness, all around.  I get no respect.  I’m washing clothes in the coin laundry and I ask Extropian if she has an extra loonie. She gives me Braydon Beaulieu’s grandmother.  No respect.  The show must go on.

extropian – 2011/03/08

Dear justsayin, we have already cast someone in your role. please leave the set peacefully and hand in your script.

backinthesaddle – 2011/03/08

So, uhhhh, mar mar….what are you wearing? ; )

just saying – 2011/03/08

Proving once more, that you are a moron Fitzwilliam.  God.  You are so obtuse you don’t even understand what happened last round.  Fuck.  It’s amazing you are even able to appear on line, you’re so stupid.  Who turned on your computer for you?  You thought Mar Mar’s story was suspenseful?  Are you outta your mind?  Who read it to you?  Was your sense of suspense rewarded with the bang up job she did with the ending.  Fucking kids.  You’re putting me on.  No one in the world is as dumb as you.  You are more mixed up that succubus’s sexual identity and sense of logic.  He says “…let’s hope they fight with their words and their stories and their fan bases, and not with superior technological skills”.  That’s like saying I hope they fight with the number of biaised friends they can bring to the Deathmatch, and not biaised strangers.”  Because winning with biaised friends is so superior to winning with biaised strangers.  You make me gag.  You’re more pompous that Beaulieu and more screwed in the head than his close relatives.  Oh, we are so rich.  Beaulieu doesn’t need the money.  Oh and dickubus, you are also a skank.  We’ve got one new visitor from last night sticking around, Turrene, you’re a welcome addition, great sense of humour and rationality.  I like your comments almost as much as buck choi’s.  “We came, we trolled, we conquered.”  I also like cheet’s take on F1.4.    F1.4 see’s a Moneyspinner in Beaulieu’s handiwork.  Riiiiight.  The only way Braydon’s stories would be worth money is if he starts writing them on the back of twenty dollar bills.  If I see anything remotely resembling kleptoP.  on a bookstore shelf, it’ll be me who runs to the can to retch, not Angela.

fitzwilliam – 2011/03/08

okay to cheet, about last round i dont think brush personally cheated but its very suspicious how he was loosing it was like 55% and 45% and in about an hour he started winning again….hmmmm interesting, and about this round I see most people are voting for brown\’s story, I thought that both were very well written and pretty intriging but I will have to vote for Tuff\’s story I felt that that story was more suspenseful and I enjoyed reading it, both are very well written and I enjoyed both stories. Goodluck to both of you.

Victory Lap – 2011/03/08

I read DGB’s story again and it’s actually brilliant.  It’s a love story.  Earrings falls for dreads. “We sat outside on the rubber doormat with a blanket wrapped over, under, around. Chain smoking. Shivering at the touch of Old Milwaukee cans. Relief with each sip, liberation. We laughed like it was the first day of summer break.” What a paragraph.  This boy can write.  A reader has got to love his narrator.  “I mouthed the requisite poetry: “You’re pretty awesome. You can move in with me if you like.” – or –  “”I’m not gonna leave in April.” I didn’t know it was true until I said it.”  DGB mingles this with his philospophies, that ring so true:  “My lineage of silenced progeny. A tribute to human extinction: the farce justification that we do this for overpopulation, for the betterment of humanity, when in truth it’s we who come first. We’re not ready.”  – and – “Love is a socially constructed emotional category. There is no line you cross, no epiphany that lies between mild affection and the inception of adoration. Love and hate occupy linguistic extremes in the continuum of like and dislike, pleasure and pain.”  And then a little foreshadowing:  “We sat together in class and compared short-term somethings. I would grad in April, fly to Japan or Italy or Panama.”  When I read this all again, absorbing the totalityy, I have a much greater appreciation for the ending.  Still, I’m voting for Mar Mar,. she’s hot. Just kidding, a deal’s a deal.  DGB has to be different.  Everybody does Japan and Italy.  How was Panama?  Say hi to Lily for me.

succincubus – 2011/03/08

Dammit, DGB, making me look up things before I answer your question…

The answer to which is yes, I suppose, but I don’t imagine a horse is obligatory for such a character. Maybe just a golf cart with a horse’s head stuck on it.

David Griffin Brown – 2011/03/08

“Golf is a good walk spoiled.”

Holy shit.  What a stupid sport.  Of course, if I didn’t feel like a chimpanzee attempting cross-stitch, it might not have been so bad.


Shining knight? Woah.  Can I be a caballero honroso instead?


Are you gonna submit to that flash fiction contest?  I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.  But you’ll have to fight with saddle for an angry-make-out session.

succincubus – 2011/03/08

I do like to start off every day with vindictive mudslinging and sarcastic backlash!

I couldn’t wait for that last round to be over so we could get to this one – DGB and MarMar are an excellent match. Maybe they’ll even be angry-making-out by week’s end (pardon if both are involved in committed long-term relationships, but how hot would that be?).

I really want to talk about angry grandpa vs. naked painter lady, but I have to get this off my chest:

Mr. Beaulieu’s supporters: what a bunch of crybabies. Every time their precious Braydon started slipping in votes they cried “cheater! cheater!” and at the same time complained that because they are students on campus it was unfair they shared an IP address therefore okay to vote 10 times per hour via their smartphones.

Yes, you can vote several times per hour from a smartphone, especially if you’re on the move. In case you were wondering.

Some of them were so upset they couldn’t let it go even after the next round started. Well, Mr. Beaulieu lost. Maybe because of proxy voting, maybe because Brush conjured some supporters like Mickey in the Sorcerer’s Apprentice (yeah that’s my idea of a literary reference). At this point it’s pretty obvious that some contestants give enough of a damn to use “alternative methods” and others don’t.

Sorry, Mr. Beaulieu. Unless you were operating under some false guises last round, what I got to say ain’t aimed at you. Will you be sticking around? Curious to read what you have to say now that nothing’s on the line.

Nobody saw huge jumps in numbers during DGB and MarMar’s rounds, so let’s hope they fight with their words and their stories and their fan bases, and not with superior technological skills.

They got mad writing skills, they don’t need no stinking computer skills. And from what I remember DGB never denied being the honorable shining knight type.

Oh and one last thing, last round ruined the fun of popcorn references for me for about a week, so I guess I’ll reach for some Cheetos and Mt. Dew instead while I wait for DGB to get done golfing and MarMar to finish sharpening her axe.

cheet – 2011/03/08

My vote goes to DGB… he had me at the third paragraph.  The other story felt all over the place, but that’s just me.  As to the last match, I don’t think Brush cheated in any way… Big deal, a lot of people voted for him at once.  For some reason some of you think that your closeness with someone affects whether their vote is legit.  I realize some of the voters might not have read both stories, but I gaurantee plenty of facebook friends that people recruit don’t take the time either.  He had more pull, I think people need to get over it really.

f1.4, since you have work that’s been broadcast and screened in most countries, your opinion is much more valuable than most.  I myself am actually an internationally renowned author with over 10 bestselling novels. Oh, the beauty of anonymous forums and their false claims.

Turenne – 2011/03/08

When self-obsessed yuppies fight…
Always amusing.

just saying – 2011/03/08

You can tell the skanks are coming out of the woodwork, when they use language like, “cheated,” “of course get published first” and “obviously the better writer.”  Add f4.1 to the list of “Skanks of Little Influence. ”  Brandon Beaulieau.  A name to remember.  Thanks for that commercial message.  Now can we please get back to our regularly scheduled  programming.

Braydon Beaulieu – 2011/03/08

Thanks very much for the kind words, f1.4. Always happy to make a contact in the publishing and film industries; add me on Facebook, and let’s talk.

Griff and MarMar: I’m exhausted, as I’m sure you can imagine. And today’s Terrible Tuesday. You won’t be hearing much from me today, but I’ll be back tomorrow to jump in and give my two cents on Brink and Deathmatch. Cheers, and best of luck on day one.

f1.4 – 2011/03/08

I work at telling and selling stories. I do this on tv and at movie theatres. You may, or may not, have seen my work, it’s been broadcast and screened in most countries – both tv programmes that I’ve done and films at the movies. Why am I saying this? Because in order to make my point I’d like you to know that I know a good story, good stories well told are what allow me to eat, to feed my family and to keep a roof over their head.

Why am I doing this under the soubriquet that I’ve chosen? Because here I’ve got my eyes wide open.

Who wrote the better story in the last round? The Beaulieu kid

Who networked better/cheated? The Colin kid

I personally believe that it was cheating – and I’m completely impartial to the whole thing – but who cares? So Colin got ahead a round. What does the winner get? Published? In a magazine? For free? Meh!

If both of these guys wrote a book of short stories Mr. Beaulieu would of course get published first purely because his story is more of a money spinner and publishers, like myself, like to make as much money as possible. So a commercially viable story is worth way more than a teen angst story which will get nowhere in the real world.

The most interesting and talked about thing about Colin is that he stormed to victory and whether he cheated or not. Hasn’t anybody noticed that that’s all that people are talking about and not his story?

Brandon Beaulieu is obviously the better writer.




Victory Lap – 2011/03/07

Nothing like a good skank fight.  Could someone pass the popcorn, please?

just an ignorant cow on the rampage – 2011/03/07

I’m sorry.  I’m going to have to step in for saddle here.  You pooh pooh Colin’s victory.  You belittle it, saying “it’s sad” “if that’s how you get your rocks off”.  You imply it wasn’t done with “dignity and class.”  So basically, yes, you’re saying it’s not legit, in different words.   You’ve got a misplaced sense of righteousness,lady.  What’s the matter, did your little baby lose?  You’re a poor sport, a hypocrite and a troll’s troll.  Why don’t you crawl back into your hole.  Your little Braydon got toasted.  And you’re also a shitty guesser at who’s behind fake names.  For the last time, backinthesaddle is not brush, I know this for a fact.  You’ve got this dumb hunch in your head that you can’t shake.  Even Brush didn’t know how he won, someone on his side had a brainwave..  It was all lovey dovey with you when you were winning.  It’s you who has no grace or class in defeat.  If your little egghead can’t put all his pieces together again after taking a sucker punch in the mouth, don’t let Humpty into the ring.  Next, Mar Mar’s grandfather ; )

Just Me – 2011/03/07

Can you read saddle? Did I at any point say it was unfair,not legit or not allowed. I actually said good for Colin for being creative. And since saddle you are quite likely Colin anyway I’d say quit boasting and pounding your chest like a gorilla. Show some class and get your head in the game. And yes Beaulieu entered so he could get published. He accomplished that goal with dignity and class. Can you say the same? Your disrespect and cruel bashing of everyone here shows your true colors. Anyone who bashes gays and american indians the way you did cannot hold his head very high. And calling actual authors skanks publicly was not only immature but crossed a line beyond reproach. I am done with you, arguing with someone like you is pointless. You just make up fake accounts so it seems like you have backup when we all know who you really are. Keep embarrassing yourself. You’ll get far in your quest for fame, a real Charlie Sheen I’m sure.

backinthesaddle – 2011/03/07

…of course beaulieu cared…he cared enough to enter…nobody remembers who finished fourth…calling in somewhere?…perfectly legit…that’s what they want you to do…spread the word…it’s always been that way…no different from who has more facebook friends, unemployed friends, computer connected internet addicted friends…it’s who has more on-line influence…brush’s team got desperate, and came through in the crunch…even brush didn’t expect it…they found a novel way to tap in…a contestant’s dream, brush’s story went viral…to badmouth the result is the epitome of sour grapes…you all knew the game before you entered…don’t come without a posse…the tortoise beat the hare…you don’t like it?…send your story to the New Yorker…good luck…but oh, yeah…you have to have influence and a posse for that too ; )


…and don’t think too much about that slice, griff ; )

just saying – 2011/03/07

Agreed, colinwinslol.  Can you picture the redness and screwed up shrew-like indignation on AmyV’s face, like a woman scorned.  Grab a Mosehead and watch from the stands, Martha.  It’s going to be a long week.  I love how you soften your name into MarMar, it’s so exotic. Martha’s story tastes kind of like the concoction you’d make if you took a pinch of every ingredient you could find in your grandmother’s kitchen and mixed it in a Mason jar…Blechhh ; )

Just Me – 2011/03/07

Saddle/just sayin- do you honestly think Beaulieu cares. That’s so sad. He gets published no matter what. And if calling in somewhere and bringing that kind of crowd gets your rocks off, also very sad. Beaulieu didn’t need the money, obviously someone else needed it badly. Good for Colin getting creative and working so hard for his dough. Getting it is one thing, earning it is another. Hope that bike is smoking hot after he uses the dough to buy a new saddle. The better man didn’t win, nor did the better story.

Griff- Voting for you this round. Next too if you get through. Good luck to you.

MarMar- You are a pistol and I will enjoy reading the banter between you and Griff. I liked your story quite a bit. Just simply liked Griff’s a bit better. I know you will give this guy a run for his money and I will enjoy the show. From what I can tell you are one tough chick, I admire that about you. Don’t let the weasels get to you through this.


Cheating? My god there was no cheating involved its simply called the internet. Last rounds results where perfectly legitimate.

backinthesaddle – 2011/03/07

…Cockroaches  ; )

just saying – 2011/03/07

The worst hurt comes from blowing a sure lead and losing in the dying seconds.  That will sting for some time.  A most interesting and entertaining development.  Tread carefully.  Now what can we say nice about this abortion of a story. You can never go “back.”  I’m just saying ; )

David Griffin Brown – 2011/03/07

Look out, marmar.

And just saying, can you be saddle again please?  You’ve gone and confused everyone.

Amy — it will be a clean fight.  Save your prayers for Libya.

I spent the last hour watching UFC 75, classic, Rampage vs Henderson, meanwhile alt-tabbing to the BP slaughterhouse.  At times I got lost… forgot which battle I was staring at.  Might have been the beer.

And now, bedtime.  Someone decided it would be a great idea to teach me to golf tomorrow, which apparently requires getting up at five and dressing like Egon Spengler. Adieu.

MarMarTuff – 2011/03/07

Hey Amy, thanks for the props.

Just saying – ouch. Sticks and stones, baby.

Cheaters never win, silly pants.

It’s all about the gorey story.

So True – 2011/03/07

It’s been settled. Steve wants Brown to win. GG.

AmyV – 2011/03/07

Wow. Does voting even matter any more? For what it’s worth, both stories in this round are very good. I wish you the both of luck, and pray you both don’t resort to cheating to win.

Personally, I’d like to see the BP folks address the blatant cheating from last round…

just saying – 2011/03/07

The beauty of it was in the timing.  No chance whatsoever to react.  You either have a trick in your bag or you don’t.  Brutal.  Superb.  I read David’s story again.  It’s about 90 million times better than Martha’s.  She did well in getting this far.  She should be happy with being “a” winner.  It was fun that’s she’s been in the conversation.  Now we’d like a little conversation without her.

MarMarTuff – 2011/03/07

Heya Brown, long time. Bring it.

Print~me – 2011/03/07

I would vote but it’s obvious it isnt about the better story winning…  I hope for both Martha and David  BP devises a way to combat the cheating.

So True – 2011/03/07

I would vote, but I’m still waiting to find out who Steve wants to win.

Broken Pencil – 2011/03/07

The second semi-final begins. Try not to hurt yourselves this time.