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We at BP have come to expect a few things of our mud-slinging Indie Writer’s Deathmatch and its outrageous comment boards. There will always be conspiracy theories of rigged voting, accusations of foul-play and one too many confessional rants. So, just in case you’ve forgotten what the heart and soul of Deathmatch truly is, we’ve combed through hundreds of comments from the last contest to give you the best of each brand of comment we’ve come to know and love. Read on and then get your stories in for this year’s competition-deadline is New Year’s Eve!

TOO MUCH INFORMATION:

“k.  i am kinda in this new relationship and it makes doing anything other than sex almost impossible; i.e., sorry my comments are late–and here’s to hoping my period is not…”

X-RATED:

“And you must be an expert in picking puss-filled saddle sores, you limp-dick faggot.

Back off, or I will beat the slime out of you with my aluminum walker. ”

CHEATING:

“What this author is doing is CHEATING ! Cheaters have nothing to do in a writing contest. Maybe the declaration that the prize will be given for a charity project is correct, maybe not : how can I trust somebody who EXTORTED my vote with a paid link ? How many thousand links is he buying ?”

“Wow. Does voting even matter any more? For what it’s worth, both stories in this round are very good. I wish you the both of luck, and pray you both don’t resort to cheating to win.

Personally, I’d like to see the BP folks address the blatant cheating from last round…”

“You must have half of england voting for you…either that or a couple computer geeks, can i be the first one to cry “Foul!”…”

AMATEUR VS. “PUBLISHED” WRITERS:

“Finally, if you were the sort of writer (or person) anyone gave half a shit about, you’d understand the concept of cooperation.

PS: i’m published, fuckwad.” 

COME-ONS:        

“Madeline… first of all, you have a wicked name.  I’ve liked Madeline ever since a high-school crush broke my heart because I went outside for a cigarette instead of cuddling with her.  Tragedy.  And Masters?  Sounds powerful, and of course packed with some pun potential.”

“So, uhhhh, mar mar….what are you wearing? ; )”

 THREATS:

“Back for seconds?  Hope you’re wearing a cup.”

“…did you ever consider that you might have bad taste and wouldn’t know a good story if came in a pill and griff shoved it up your bonsai thatch.”

AND THE MORAL OF DEATHMATCH: Everyone Loves A Troll After All …

“Two days without a troll…  Come on saddle, what’s up?  Did you meet a lady?  Okay okay, let’s be realistic.  Did you get arrested??”

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