Kill Your TV
Zine, Wrrrtika, 12 pgs., wrrrtika.tumblr.com, $5
Listen, I enjoy television as much as the next chump, but I think you, me and the Toronto-based musician and glitch artist Wrrtika all know it’s time to Office Space that sucker with a baseball bat, or another bludgeoning device. Dark times call for dark measures – and from here in my American home (aka Trumpland), I can tell you things are the darkest they’ve ever been. TV is at least 50% responsible for getting me and the rest of your neighbors to the south into this mess (BTW: the other 50% is racism). So, Canada, learn from our mistakes and from Wrrrtika’s wisdom: put a hockey stick through that LCD screen and never look back. Wrrrtika only needs 12 pages to make a convincing case, each packed with black-and-white glitched-out first-person support from trusted sources like Dirty Harry, “Mr. Jim Business” and “Donatella Discotheque” (“I murdered my TV [and] it’s been a great help to my modelling career …”). Wrrrtika’s critical statistics make a data-driven argument as well: “In 2015 Death By TV was: 53% more likely than Death By Shark.” WHAT? Never mind that the peppering of celebrity endorsements cut-and-pasted from other publications with random redactions in their accounts. They’re all saying the same thing: your TV must die.
Go ahead and laugh – it’s a funny zine – but when you’re done laughing, shed a tear for America. We’ll just be down here suffering under the new fascist state run by a reality TV star basking in the glow of his own reflection beaming from a million American TVs, because we didn’t act quick enough. Don’t be next, Canada. Kill. Your. TV. P.S. Wrrrtika: Next up, can we get a Kill Your Smart Phone? (Joshua Barton)