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yeah so you’re 15 in love with all so fuckin cool bands, wanna be the life of the all age band scene, wanna find a way to stay up past your bed time, wanna be the lead singers fling of a life time? here’s some hints for success….

1 save up your allowance for the week, so you can get in and have enough money to catch the bus there. that’ll mean no cigarettes by the week (all girls like this smoke) but hey, you could be fucked by the singer guy and that’ll make up for it.

2 drag mommie out to le chateau to buy you something new and cool and trendy and tight and revealing to cat all the guys attention, they really like underdeveloped boobs.

3 look through countless magazines to find the make-up look that is just the right amount of alternative style for you. practice all week long to get it perfect. 4 drag along all of your cool excitable loud mouthed ‘alternative’ friends. bring beer and get there early, so if the band walks past and sees you drinking they’ll think you’ve gotta be a fun loving 19 year old!

5 after entering walk around the building with friends in your i’m so fuckin hot look talk loud, smile lots, act like a bitch to the older girls, all the time keeping your eye out for singer guy.

6 if he’s found, run up to him and tell him how cool he is and hop up and down and squeal, smile big, lean towards him, introduce your friends, try to act hot and hope he looks for you after the show.

7 if you do or don’t talk to singer guy make sure you get a spot sitting on the stage or right in the very front, and glance lovingly at singer guy all through the show. Make sure to look like you live the tunes without looking frantic, and sit your body in a fuck me position.

8 as soon as show is over hop on to the stage with friends. introduce them again, hop around, and praise the singer guy’s efforts. explain that you are usually in bed by ten & you’re gonna get into mega shit for being out so late (hope for sympathy) then lean very close hoping for a kiss or a hug, and praise his show again. Friends start to drag you away cause their dad’s at the front of the building, so lovingly shake his hand (or if luck give him a hug) and walk away, looking back every so often.

9 before leaving find out when next show is and tell singer guy you’ll be attending.

10 try to explain to dad you’re 31/2 hours late for your bedtime because you forgot what bus to take home and you got lost. (that one works like a charm)

There! now you’re all set to be the all age show queen, and don’t forget to brag about all the bands you’ve met outside the next show you’re attending and you’ll think you’re the cats ass and that’s all that really matters now, isn’t it?


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