Hell on Roller Skates

By Nadja Sayej 

The George Bell Arena may see loutish hockey players all winter, but this summer it melted its rink to its concrete core to let a pack of Goth girls in heavy makeup rock and (literally) roll around in sharp circles called the Toronto Roller Derby League. In ripped fishnets, mini-kilts and arm casts that read “Derby Damage,” the teams–dubbed Chicks Ahoy, the Bay St. Bruisers and the Death Track Dolls–have been pushing, shoving and ripping through the rink on their roller skates ferociously since June. Gearing an overwhelming media response, their publicist “Mia Culprit” (yes, they all have Harlequinmeets-stripper pseudonyms), wrote in a recent email: “Would love to have you out today, but we’re getting pretty packed with interviews.” Roller derby is an “entertainment sport,” which means half the reason to be there is to be bedazzled by the buxom broads in stretched garters. The other half is to watch them gain points by (basically) lapping each other. By far, the most interesting part of the contact sport is the all-female indie circuit, one that started in Austin, Texas in 2001, and since then, over 100 leagues have sprouted across North America–with Toronto being the largest one. As Canada’s first roller derby league (fittingly, their debut June 2 game was dubbed “the cherry poppin’ bout” where the Gore-Gore Rollergirls seriously kicked the Death Track Dolls’ ass in a 117-78 score), the indie league has been fundraising for almost a year since founder Scootro P. Meat first had the idea, which according to the ToRD online FAQ says: “whose goal was to get as many hot, sassy girls as possible to beat each other up in indecently short skirts.” Torontorollerderby.com