Weirdo zine ‘Floor Tom’ is a charming mystery

Floor Tom #4

Perzine, 4 pgs, price and author unknown

Sometimes the simplest zines can hold the most wonderful moments. Floor Tom is one of those zines. It is a single sheet of orange tabloid size paper folded in half twice, with collages on the outside. When you open the first fold, there is a ten song playlist. I’ve listened to a few of the songs as I write this and it’s a well composed list. Completely unfolded, the sheet contains a page of text, a story by Thomas (I’m assuming) about misgifted items, pet-sitting and unfortunate outfits.

Thomas mentions how all of their family buys them Beano-related merch and Union Jack clothes and has for years. Whether this is literally true or some kind of po-mo fiction, I believe they are entirely on to something  about family latching on to something they think you like, especially neatly marketed brands and looks, and never stop gifting you that stuff. For example, I had a brief Nightmare Before Christmas phase (I know) and despite being 11 years past this phase, last year I unwrapped a Christmas gift to find a metal Jack Skellington head tree ornament. But it’s the thought that counts, and much as our hero keeps accepting Union Jack clothes, I’ll likely keep accepting Jack Skellington merch.

Unfortunately for Thomas, their plethora of heraldry swag didn’t remain a secret. Their story of their Union Jack onesie and pet sitting is cute. You can’t help but wonder what you would do if it were you, and that’s all I’ll say.

Thomas frames another bit, a day with his roommates, nicely. Simplicity, you win again. I definitely would read more about Thomas’ life. Something tells me that they end up in lots of surprising situations. Who are you?