Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC (now officially the European Union or EU), the European Parliament has commissioned a feasibility study on ways of improving efficiency in communications between Government departments. European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is unnecessarily difficult; for example: cough, plough, rough, through and thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased programme of changes to iron out these anomalies. The programme would, of course, be administered by a committee staff at top level by participating nations. In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest using ‘s’ ihstead of the soft ‘c’. Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities would resieve this news with joy. Then the hard j’c’ could be replased by ‘k’ sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. Not only would this klear up konfusion in the minds of klerical worker$, but typewriters kould be made with one less letter. There would be growing enthusiasm in the sekond year of the programme with the announsement that the troublesome ‘ph’ would henseforth be written ‘ft. This would mlake ‘fotograph’ twenty persent slhorter in ¡print. In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments would enkourage the removal of double letters which have always been a deterent to akurate speling. We would al agre that the horiblemes of silent ‘e’s in the languag is disgrasful. Therfor we kould drop thes and koninu; to read and writ as though nothing had hapend. By this tim it would be four years sins the skem began and peopl would be reseptiv to changes sutsh as replasing ‘th’ with ‘z’. Perhaps zen ze funktion of ‘w’ kould be taken on by V , visht is, after al, half of ‘w’. Shortly after zis, ze unesesary ‘o’ kould be dropd from words kontaining ‘ou’. Similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli sensi bl riten sty I. After tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vud find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drems of ze Guvermnt vud finali hav kum tru.
from Searching for Delicious